"Friday na ugma, unsay ganap this weekend?"
This was a question my friends would always ask as the weekend drew near. I always looked forward to spending time with them after a tiring school week, but everything changed when the pandemic emerged. I decided to head to my hometown since classes got suspended.
In these trying times, I miss the life I had a year ago – the kind of life wherein I get to see my friends anytime and go anywhere without having to wear a face mask and a face shield. I started to miss seeing our Outfit Of The Days (OOTDs), late-night chikahans at Busay, and endless food-trips at Food Bazaar! Most of all, I miss the warm smiles and laughs of my friends that brought so much positivity to me. I realized that I have what they call sepanx, or separation anxiety.
When it was announced that face-to-face classes would be put on hold, I honestly had mixed emotions. It's definitely a good thing because it will prevent the spread of the virus and ensure everyone's safety, but at the same time, it makes me sad because learning is so much easier in physical classes. Not to mention, I won’t be seeing my friends for probably longer than what I anticipated. When exactly? Wa ko kahibalo. Nobody knows.
“How are my friends doing?”
I ask myself that every day. I want to stay connected with them, but how? We’re in the middle of a pandemic. Physical contact is very different from virtual contact. I feel so shy to tell them that I felt disconnected during this time. I know that this is not the time to let go. #LockArms.
As I was browsing the internet, I found this helpful guide from Marc Clint Maceda, a psychometrician and a psychology professor at the University of San Carlos. Some common signs of feeling disconnected might include withdrawal from social activities like meeting with people online/offline, posting on social media, episodes of feeling empty, irritability when people try to reach out to you, and recurring negative thoughts. Maceda pointed out that there is nothing wrong with feeling this way, especially since this pandemic has brought about a lot of challenges regarding our safety and security. Some people react to this crisis by disconnecting from the world and retreating towards themselves.
Maceda says that we can share how we feel, in the present, with our friends by being honest with them about our emotions. If they’re willing and available to listen, then making them aware of your situation is the first step towards proper help.
Maceda also highlighted the importance of having a strong support system, and I believe this is what everybody needs during this pandemic. It can keep you grounded and sane despite the circumstances. Having a strong bond with trusted friends helps you feel a bit more secure and optimistic. I took Maceda’s advice. I reached out to my friends through video chat to see how they were doing during this pandemic.
Setting up a group video chat with other friends can be a cheerful event rather than a reminder of these difficult times. By doing things that we enjoy and spending with each other, the more our relationships will deepen.
Maceda gave me some tips on how to strengthen our friendships during this pandemic:
Chat or text each other every day (or every other day depending on your agreement) and ask about how your friend’s day was. A simple check-in goes a long way.
Set-up online virtual activities you can do with your friends such as game nights, movie parties, or trivia sessions.
Do some Extra Challenge with your friends! Take a video of yourselves doing a hobby or something you love and send it to your barkada every week.
One of the best lessons I learned during this pandemic is that a true friend walks with you through life and bears witness to whatever happens to you. As Helen Keller once said, “True friends are never apart, maybe in distance but never in heart.”
Here's a message from Marc Maceda to anyone who feels disconnected during this time:
"I know it's scary. I know it's hard to share your emotions especially since you may feel vulnerable doing it. But you need to remember that growth can sometimes be uncomfortable. Despite that, I hope that you take the risk, have faith in not only yourself but in others, connect… I know you'll be able to do it eventually."
The way I see it, it's okay to ask for help. It doesn't make you weak. I have also come to realize that if I want to grow as an individual, one of the best things I can do is to be open and be real with my friends. This will not only protect me, but also help me in times of need. During these trying times, I am grateful for my friends and the bond we share.
Lastly, reach out for help when you need it. The KAUBAN group is a mental health support group for people manifesting symptoms of depression, anxiety, and suicidal ideation. You may reach out to them using this link.
If you need professional psychological help, you may access the team using this link.
You may also follow the USC Mental Health Online Support for COVID-19 Crisis page if you just need to talk to a caring, trained professional.
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